I'm sorry to those 3 people who read this blog. You don't deserve to be forgotten.
Well. Since my last blog, I've graduate, broken up one relationship and gotten into another one, and started my first semester in community college. It's pretty amazing. I've made some amazing friends. Like Megan, and Bri, and Patricia, and Sam, and Danielle, and yea. Some amazing friends. Yea. So i'm tired but I wanted to update just for those 3 people.
I SWEAR TO YOU THAT I WILL KEEP UP. I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE BREAK.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
So I need to get this out...
I've been friends with my best friend since Sophomore year of high school. She is an amazing person even if friends and family don't think so. And she has been working on our friendship just as much as I have which is a lot taking into account that we are only allowed to communicate online and on the phone for only an hour a day.
Anyway. She had been really upset in the past couple weeks because her "friend" and her and filming a movie to enter into Sundance and stuff and she was doing all the work and her "friend was getting all the credit." She would call me yelling because it wasn't fair but she wouldn't confront her friend because if they got into an argument "nothing would get done" as she tells me.
Now they obviously figured something out because they are now in Vegas together having a blast on vacation.
This bothers me. Not the fact that she's having fun with a friend. No that is exciting and I'm happy for her. No. The fact that she gave in to her friend to remain friends so they can do this movie. That is what bothers me. If I was the friend in this situation she would never give in, even if I was as hard headed as her other friend. But she gives into this person, and is losing her voice in it. She is going to be walked over by this person and she won't hear me about it. The fact that I am watching her friend do this to her and there is nothing I can do about it...there aren't even words.
I'm disappointed in my hard headed friend for giving in, because she never would have given in with me. So yea.
Anyway. She had been really upset in the past couple weeks because her "friend" and her and filming a movie to enter into Sundance and stuff and she was doing all the work and her "friend was getting all the credit." She would call me yelling because it wasn't fair but she wouldn't confront her friend because if they got into an argument "nothing would get done" as she tells me.
Now they obviously figured something out because they are now in Vegas together having a blast on vacation.
This bothers me. Not the fact that she's having fun with a friend. No that is exciting and I'm happy for her. No. The fact that she gave in to her friend to remain friends so they can do this movie. That is what bothers me. If I was the friend in this situation she would never give in, even if I was as hard headed as her other friend. But she gives into this person, and is losing her voice in it. She is going to be walked over by this person and she won't hear me about it. The fact that I am watching her friend do this to her and there is nothing I can do about it...there aren't even words.
I'm disappointed in my hard headed friend for giving in, because she never would have given in with me. So yea.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
It's been a while
But today I spend the whole day with my best friend Meryl
We rode our bikes for 4 or 5 hours straight.
My legs are spazing and my shoulders are redder then red.
But I had so much fun
We rode our bikes for 4 or 5 hours straight.
My legs are spazing and my shoulders are redder then red.
But I had so much fun
Friday, June 6, 2008
So my dad get 's tagged in these like blog things all the time. And since we kinda have this unwritten mutual agreement to read each others blogs, of course he tagged me. Whatever
Here are the rules:
Link the person(s) who tagged you.
Mention the rules on your blog.
Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.
I’m still learning how this all works. However, I think I can do this one. So, six ‘quirky’ things about me.
Since my dad is really my only friend...I'm just going to write down these 6 quirks and get it over with.
1. I know more about Disneyland than you average Disney goer. It doesn't help that my best friend is in the electric parade.
2. I love to look through magazines, find random pictures, words, quotes, etc. and put them up on my wall in a collage sort of way.
3. I love to take pictures of me and my friends, throw them into photoshop and create art with them.
4. I collect hats. But not baseball hats that you have to adjust. No. I collect the flexfit hats that fit your head perfectly.
5. Because I have graduated high school, I usually don't wake up until 11.30 unless I have to work.
6. I actually liked 90% of my teachers in my life. Especially my senior ones.
There. I'm done. I'm gonna go eat something now.
Here are the rules:
Link the person(s) who tagged you.
Mention the rules on your blog.
Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.
I’m still learning how this all works. However, I think I can do this one. So, six ‘quirky’ things about me.
Since my dad is really my only friend...I'm just going to write down these 6 quirks and get it over with.
1. I know more about Disneyland than you average Disney goer. It doesn't help that my best friend is in the electric parade.
2. I love to look through magazines, find random pictures, words, quotes, etc. and put them up on my wall in a collage sort of way.
3. I love to take pictures of me and my friends, throw them into photoshop and create art with them.
4. I collect hats. But not baseball hats that you have to adjust. No. I collect the flexfit hats that fit your head perfectly.
5. Because I have graduated high school, I usually don't wake up until 11.30 unless I have to work.
6. I actually liked 90% of my teachers in my life. Especially my senior ones.
There. I'm done. I'm gonna go eat something now.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The doorbell woke me up this morning.
I looked at the clock and it was 10.00 am exactly.
Lately, for me, that is early.
I woke up asking myself "who the fuck is ringing our doorbell at 10.00 in the morning?"
So I got up, grabbed a shirt, threw it on, and exited my bedroom.
As I enter the living room, my dad is standing there and the door is kinda open, but no one is around.
"Who's here?" I asked half asleep.
"Someone to take away the thing I won't touch." he responded.
"The rat?" I asked.
"Yes." he responded
"Is it big?" I asked.
"It's on the smaller side." he responded.
No. This is not a normal conversation between my dad at 10.00 in the morning
But lately there was a little rodent friend eating my cookies (which I really don't mind since I'm cutting back on sweets, but it bothers the rest of my family).
So there were mouse traps set up.
And when I say mousetraps, I mean the traps where as soon as that mouse/rat steps on it...
SNAP!
Those things can take off a finger/toe.
So yea. The doorbell woke me up and I leave my nice comfortable bed to go see a rat. Dead. In a mouse trap.
Not going to lie though. It was pretty darn cool.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
The Power of Words
Words.
The combination of words becomes sentences. Phrases. Truths. Lies. Stories. Riddles. Meaning.
Words have a lot of power when you use them. If it's telling your co-worker about your graduation or telling your parents how you feel, every word you use has meaning.
"I'm just done with everything."
Right now, I am exhausted. I was at grad night last night until 5 this morning. Slept until 2.30ish this afternoon and then went to a mass I didn't need to go to because they had mass for us at grad night. But I went anyway because it was important for me to be faithful to my ministry with the band. Our band right now is going through a transition stage. New director, new music, new members. And my father is all excited because it means he is allowed to do a lot more than he was allowed to do before. Congratulations dad. For me. This transition makes me want to quit. No joke. My best friend is now on the other side of the stage playing the guitar while I am put with a drummer that wants nothing to do with me. The new music director, bless him, is trying to make everything exciting and new. I'm all for that. But completely changing songs, new tempos and new beats, I can't keep up. I sat through a song not playing at all tonight because I didn't know how to play it. Everything is different everything is hard and it is making it not worth it for me anymore. Two weeks in a row now, I've come home wanting to cry, because I don't feel like I'm needed. I don't feel like I'm important.
Today I came home, tired, upset, and not wanting to deal with anything. I was done with everything.
My mom, being the amazing person she is, came in to see what was wrong. And wanting to be alone I told her how I felt. How I felt about the church thing, how I felt about how Dad gets angry at the littlest things and how I was just done with everything.
"I'm just done with everything."
So she left. She figured if I was done, then I didn't need her. But she's right. I do need to grow up. I need to learn how to forgive. I need to learn how to learn. I need to learn how to do stuff I really don't want to do.
Yes. I can't wait to start a new chapter in my life and go to college. Yes I can't wait to move out and see what the real world looks like. But I can't do that without the support of my parents. They might not know it but they mean the world to me. I might have treated them like crap in the past and I know I haven't treated them with the respect that they deserve. There are times they make me feel inferior and times they make me feel on top of the world. There are times when I want to wring their necks and other times where I just want to hold on to their necks. For their situation, they are doing the best they can and I really do notice it. Yet I still make them feel like shit because I don't choose my words carefully.
"I'm done with everything."
I'm not. I'm done with everything that went on today. I'm done with today's mass and I will come back next week and do my best again. I'm done with being exhausted and I'm going to bed early tonight. I'm done with Dad being upset today and when I see him tomorrow, give him a big hug. And I'm done with making Mom feel like shit, because she doesn't deserve it. Next time I will pick my words carefully in trying to express how I feel and not making it into something that it's not supposed to be.
"I'm just tired and emotional and I just need some sleep."
That's what I should have said. But I didn't.
The power of words. They can make a bad day, become a horrible day. They can make you feel like shit. They can make everything worse.
The combination of words becomes sentences. Phrases. Truths. Lies. Stories. Riddles. Meaning.
Words have a lot of power when you use them. If it's telling your co-worker about your graduation or telling your parents how you feel, every word you use has meaning.
"I'm just done with everything."
Right now, I am exhausted. I was at grad night last night until 5 this morning. Slept until 2.30ish this afternoon and then went to a mass I didn't need to go to because they had mass for us at grad night. But I went anyway because it was important for me to be faithful to my ministry with the band. Our band right now is going through a transition stage. New director, new music, new members. And my father is all excited because it means he is allowed to do a lot more than he was allowed to do before. Congratulations dad. For me. This transition makes me want to quit. No joke. My best friend is now on the other side of the stage playing the guitar while I am put with a drummer that wants nothing to do with me. The new music director, bless him, is trying to make everything exciting and new. I'm all for that. But completely changing songs, new tempos and new beats, I can't keep up. I sat through a song not playing at all tonight because I didn't know how to play it. Everything is different everything is hard and it is making it not worth it for me anymore. Two weeks in a row now, I've come home wanting to cry, because I don't feel like I'm needed. I don't feel like I'm important.
Today I came home, tired, upset, and not wanting to deal with anything. I was done with everything.
My mom, being the amazing person she is, came in to see what was wrong. And wanting to be alone I told her how I felt. How I felt about the church thing, how I felt about how Dad gets angry at the littlest things and how I was just done with everything.
"I'm just done with everything."
So she left. She figured if I was done, then I didn't need her. But she's right. I do need to grow up. I need to learn how to forgive. I need to learn how to learn. I need to learn how to do stuff I really don't want to do.
Yes. I can't wait to start a new chapter in my life and go to college. Yes I can't wait to move out and see what the real world looks like. But I can't do that without the support of my parents. They might not know it but they mean the world to me. I might have treated them like crap in the past and I know I haven't treated them with the respect that they deserve. There are times they make me feel inferior and times they make me feel on top of the world. There are times when I want to wring their necks and other times where I just want to hold on to their necks. For their situation, they are doing the best they can and I really do notice it. Yet I still make them feel like shit because I don't choose my words carefully.
"I'm done with everything."
I'm not. I'm done with everything that went on today. I'm done with today's mass and I will come back next week and do my best again. I'm done with being exhausted and I'm going to bed early tonight. I'm done with Dad being upset today and when I see him tomorrow, give him a big hug. And I'm done with making Mom feel like shit, because she doesn't deserve it. Next time I will pick my words carefully in trying to express how I feel and not making it into something that it's not supposed to be.
"I'm just tired and emotional and I just need some sleep."
That's what I should have said. But I didn't.
The power of words. They can make a bad day, become a horrible day. They can make you feel like shit. They can make everything worse.
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